Originally Posted by mixer
I wasn’t saying that I want to use the L-word in reference to Ethel, and can’t bring myself to. It’s that since that isn’t the case, it’s kind of a deafening silence thing if I say it to Lucy. Or so it seems to me.
Sorry for the misunderstanding then. (...although the "radically changing your behavior" part of my second post may still apply...)
Maybe the "deafening silence" is, in fact, something that only you are hearing. I'd probably ask Lucy if she hears it too and then decide if a change is warranted. For instance, perhaps you don't say it when all three of you are being sexually intimate until you are ready to say it to Ethel as well (if Lucy understands the reasoning behind it and agrees) but it's ok if you are being intimate with Lucy alone (I forget if you 3 have a "only all together" rule) or in non-sexual situations involving the 3 of you until things normalize.
Personally, though, if I were involved with people with a 10 year relationship and never
heard them express their love for each other I would be concerned for the health of their relationship, and what that would mean for the potential future of mine with them. (i.e. "If they can't say that they love each other after 10 years together, how long will it take for them to love me
(PS. Please don't take offense if I am completely off-base, I have only the words that you type to go by
- obviously I don't know all the ins-and-outs of your sitation.)