We essentially had established a “One Penis Policy” - MrS had originally felt he would be threatened if I had more than flirty friendships with other boys. To be fair, he never expressed any jealousy when I would go out with male friends on a “purely friendly” basis - even if he knew they were interested in me for more than that. For years and years I was never interested in any of my male friends in anything more than a “pushing buttons” type of fashion. (Yes, I was a bitchy evil sexy girl, still am...enjoy it or get over it, it's who I was at the time, and I still enjoy playing the role.
) I never really felt the need to re-address or re-negotiate the original boundary because I was perfectly satisfied with what I had and was not seriously “looking” for any more.
My tentative attempts to find another girl (besides VV) were mildly frustrating...I wrote about one of them here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...5&postcount=10
During this time period I remember having a conversation with a bi-curious (female) friend of mine along the lines of “What if you found a girl who was really into you but wasn't willing to be with you if you were with a man (MrS)?” My answer was that leaving MrS was not, and would never be, part of the deal.... and this would be understood from the beginning. My relationship with a girl could take any form that she felt comfortable with except one that dictated what my relationship with MrS could be. She would not need to meet him if she didn't want to. But she could never be a “secret” from him or demand a change my relationship with him (other than negotiating time management and other practical concerns). Anyone who has talked to me for 5 minutes knows that I am married and how important MrS is in my life...there is barely a significant story of my life that doesn't involve him in some way, so it's not as though it would come as a surprise.
As the years wore on...the boundaries softened. One night we were at a party and I found myself interested in an evolving sexual dynamic between me and Otter (boy) and JA (girl). I ran to MrS and said “I want to make out with Otter and JA...I think I am going to take my shirt off but I'm not going to have sex with either of them...although I might be tempted to go further with Otter...but I won't tonight, and we'll talk about it later if it's an issue for later.” MrS's reply was, “OK, but be careful because I think Otter is really into you, so don't imply you are offering further than you have decided to go.”
Turns out that Otter probably was interested...we flirted shamelessly on multiple occasions. I gave him back-rubs, he cooked for me. But either he was not THAT interested or he was intimidated by MrS...because it never came any closer to bumping up against any of our boundaries. So the OPP was not really challenged by Otter. (Even if MrS teased me about my “boyfriend”...)