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Old 03-17-2012, 05:29 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post
He assured me he was going to default to being with me if the 3 didnt work out...(which i'm sure stoked her fear)..... that we wouldnt break up. That if she didnt accept the new ground they were on, their marraige as they knew it was over. But this week we did break up. Because our happiness cannot be had if someone else is in pain. Because he would hate himself for leaving her now in the state she is in. Because he still loves her. Because they cant meet my needs of being an equal. He said leaving me would rip his heart out, but leaving her would compromise his values and make him hate himself. So he chose her.
I'm very sorry it turned out this way, but not surprised. The only difference between my situation and yours is that my guy and I discussed, and agreed, from day one if it didn't work, he would default to his wife. (At the time neither us really comprehended how hard this would be.) There were times he truly wished he could do something different; times I wished he could have too. But we both feel that if you compromise your honor, then you've truly lost everything. And neither of us ever really wanted it just to be us; we wanted the three of us. Unfortunately, his wife just couldn't do it.

Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post
I know how it goes when we contact each other after a breakup (we've had quite a few) and I asked him not to contact me. He was very saddened at this, and cried, but I know from history what will happen. Reading these boards it sounds like people think we should be able to stay in contact and not make it so hard with cold turkey no contact. But this has torn me up so completely, I'm not sure how I'll recover this time, much less risk it to happen again. I was ready to move to be near him, move my business, leave my friends and family and even my country. I wanted it. I was excited. Now the dream is not only gone, but so is he completely.
I can understand why you made that choice. Glad I didn't have to.

Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post
He felt like a soulmate, we brought each other up like phoenix's out of an abyss. We soared together.
I can relate.

Again, I'm so sorry.
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