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Old 03-16-2012, 11:13 PM
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Vios Vios is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 8

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Well, maybe by doing some of those things your therapists have suggested, heh-heh. Let love and loving yourself be the guiding factor in your relationships. Seriously, exercise helps. Volunteer. Do something creative. Look at and talk about your feelings. Find a group to belong to. Work on esteem issues. They say if you want self-esteem, do esteemable things. There's so much we can do to bring ourselves up out of a funk and feel better even if it never goes away, and to not drain the people we love with neediness or whatever.
For me, the difference between depression and contentment is more about being than doing. Depression doesn't carry me far when I'm able to be with whatever I'm doing at the moment. Depression takes the form of a lot of "shouldn't" thoughts. "They shouldn't have..." "I shouldn't have to..." etc. The thing is, the thoughts aren't always at the surface. I have to dig and examine things to see what's really going on for me.

But the thoughts keep me away from what's going on in front of me, from being present, from doing. Instead of thinking "oh man, why do I have to pick my friend before this party?" It's more like I already know that I agreed to pick up my friend and I just find myself doing it. I didn't invest time worrying about it, so I didn't suffer at all from doing it, even if it was something I didn't particularly want to do.

It's how you do things, not what you do - this is true for me. This afternoon I've been drinking a lot of water and I'm like: "I wonder how yellow my piss is going to be?! a light yellow color? clear? same as normal due to all the veggies I ate for lunch?" Okay... maybe not the greatest example, but my point is that something mundane that I do every day with the right perspective is exciting to do.

My recent thing with poly has been to let go of attachment to the word 'poly.' It's like how we label one group of people "friends" and other "lovers". At what point does a friend become a lover? Sex? Cuddling? Kissing? Dating? how do you define dating? There isn't a clear answer.

So at what point do we define ourselves as "poly" or "mono"? For me, I'd look at my current situation. If I'm in multiple relationships at the moment than I'm *being* polyamorous. If I'm in one relationship at the moment than I'm *being* monogamous (but maybe looking to be poly). For me, the label of what I 'am' is irrelevant, only who I'm being is important.

I know someone here has it in their signature that "labels are sticky." Don't get caught in worrying about what you are, only what you're being. Some would say "doing" instead of "being" but for me being is more important that doing.

Oh and I know I quoted you nycindie, but this is mostly directed at Lariel, know I went on a bit of a tangent.

Last edited by Vios; 03-16-2012 at 11:17 PM.
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