Originally Posted by SNeacail
I think it's that so many 20 somethings (especially 20-25) tend to have an unrealistic expectation to "moving in together". All they see is how perfect it will be and can't see the possible train wreck and therefore don't prepare for it. People moving in together as "roomies" will have a different mindset, they aren't expecting the "happily ever after" and will therefore treat the situation differently from the start.
And that is part of living and growing, whether mono or poly. I remember last week being confused when a newbie to this forum received advice that her boyfriends, who are good friends and metamors, shouldn't move in together as roommates. Why shouldn't they? They're friends, right? So they're sleeping with the same girl, what of it? What if she wanted to move in too, would that also be wrong? I don't think so.
It's not the same as a married couple moving in a unicorn and yes, they may have the unrealistic expectation that everything will be perfect, but isn't it for them to decide if it's worth the risk? It just seems to me that maybe we older polys are a bit quick to jump to conclusions and may be a bit harsh in our assumptions. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with asking them to think about things like who's responsibility is it to do what chores, who pays what bills, who spends which nights in who's bed, etc. but that's something I'd do with anyone moving in together. It's the X, Y, or Z happened to random couple Q over there and you're too young to know what's good for you, so I'll explain how couple Q failed at what you're attempting and you will too.
My little sister is moving out of my parents house next weekend with her daughter. The father, who she was supposed to marry next month, decided he isn't ready to be a grown up and in his mono mind set picked the girl who he saw when he and my sister were fighting, because obviously if he could let another woman distract him from my sister, she was he one he was really supposed to be with. My sister has a male best friend and co-worker who has feelings for her and wants to be there to support her and my niece. My sister had some feelings for him too that she suppressed because she was engaged, now she is deciding to give it a chance and is moving him in with her and my niece next week. My parents are supportive of this and so am I. Why you ask? Because she's 19 years old and deserves the chance to try to make her life into what she wants it to be. Maybe M will grow up and come back to her someday, maybe he won't. Maybe J and she will end up married and he will raise M's daughter like his own. Who knows what the future holds, but for now, my sister is living and loving and learning about herself and what she wants and needs in a relationship and life. . . . and that is all we really can do.