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Old 03-16-2012, 04:27 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Qarzan View Post
I find it unreasonable that H expect to come by, start a bonfire, and leave me by myself to deal with the aftermath. I need some kind of contact, especially right after a visit from her, to ease us off of that high. Then we can place the remaining embers into a container, slowly feed it bits of paper or twigs to keep it going, so that it can be re-lit into a bonfire at our will.
The bonfire is a great metaphor, and I think it really gets across what you are feeling. However I will also point out that above quote is what will get you in trouble. H is seeing other people, and she lives somewhere else. You are hoping she will be focused on tending your bonfire with you, as is common with monogamy. Maybe she won't want to be thinking about you too much when she's not there, some people find that frustrating. Maybe she just doesn't have the desire to focus on a partner when she isn't with them. It sounds like she doesn't know what you and her are going to become, and it's really too early to tell. You seem to have expectations of these two relationships at least, that are causing you stress because you're over-thinking why they are progressing the way they are.

I don't know how emotionally involved she is with the other people she sees, but it wouldn't be fair for her to neglect them over exciting new feelings with you, even if she wanted to would it? If you haven't read some of the threads on LDR's, you should search for that tag, as they carry so many problems of their own, especially when newly established.

And that quote above is quite poetic, and very romantic. You also want to keep in mind that to you what was a 12 foot flame might only be a 6 foot flame for her and she's not sharing quite the intensity you feel, and so she is managing quite well. She might find it easy to come back into town and re-ignite flames without any tending in between at all. That's one of those things people in LDR's have to figure out. You finding it unreasonable for her to not start texting and emailing you because it's want you expect/hope for from her will not be your benefit if she doesn't operate that way. Ask for what you want, but if H doesn't want to do it, you'll just have to accept it the way it is and decide if it will work for you in a relationship.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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