As I received this answer to something I wrote on BalckUnicorn's block and it didn't fit the general discussion there (no need for highjacking
) I will answere it here:
Originally Posted by Hannahfluke
I wonder if the difference is that you knew Lin for a while before deciding to give poly a go. A lot of people meet the new person and then move them in right away after only knowing them weeks or months. It seems like if you've been friends with someone for years that it will work better than if you barely know them.
Well this may have been a factor. What mainly helped us wasn't so much the friendship, as this had mainly only developed between Lin and me and Sward and Lin never interacted with each other besides me being present as well. What really helped were the years that went by during which we all 'kind of noticed without talking about it'. Lin knew that he was in love, I knew that I was in love two times, Sward knew that there was some kind of connection, but none of us made sure of what exactly he/she was dealing with there and all have had their time to adjust to the possibility and idea of some kind of alternative.
The idea had time to sink in. There haven't been any outside expectations or some kind of pressure applied to each individual to cope with a specific situation or feeling besides the basic ones. That's maybe why Sward was able to call Lin family, as he knew about him quite well and cared for him just because I had done so all the time already and therefore saw this special connection between us being established years before I told him about my feelings.
The other basic positive factor would be our personalities and their compatibility obviously. That part was a real simple but also amazing fit.
At least that is what I have come up with till now.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.