Old and new, baby steps.
I'm a poly-bi-sexual woman experiencing a rebirth of my poly-self. I have been in a 15+ year monogamous relationship with my current partner (who is also Dad to our amazing son.)
Most of life before this current relationship was rife with conflict due to the fact that I could never "commit" to a monogamous relationship for very long. I always felt that sex, love and friendship shouldn't be mutually exclusive. None of the previous partners in life could grasp that my love for them didn't diminish or change based on love of (or lust for) someone else.
A little over two years ago my current partner and I began to explore what it might mean for our relationship to be more open. It's been a roller coaster. There have been a lot of highs, some deep lows and out of it all a LOT of communication. Communication on a level we were lacking previously. For this I am grateful. It is a joyful thing to have someone who accepts me and is willing to explore his own emotional feelings in regard to Polyamory separate from mine. I have come back to a better understanding of my own sexuality and ways of loving. I'm comfortable with this. My partner, not so comfortable. Accepting, loving, & willing to explore but not exactly comfortable.
Ok, I'm more comfortable, it would be a lie to say I'm 100% comfy all the time. At this moment, I'd have to say I'm in a baby steps place. What started as an "experiment" has developed into a fuller understanding of myself. I have doubts though, based on how it effects this person I love so much. I cannot change the way I love and this could potentially destroy a world I am very comfortable in. Yet, denying an essential part of myself would put us back to the miserable state we were in two years ago.
So yeah, baby steps with a poly curious but kinda skeptical partner. It's already been a long strange trip. I'm expecting lots of learning, growing and loving to come.
So hi, thanks for listening.