Thank you so much for your helpful replies! It helped to put things in perspective a bit.
Such a good point. It did take us a long time to get to this point and to want it all ‘now’ is too fast & too much. We spent so many years contemplating the what if's and worrying about the what if's and to now to have a taste, have the worries put to rest - it feels good. So our emotions keep saying "I want more" and our head is saying "slow your roll". lol
Hubby has not come out and said to her that he'd like more time. He realizes it’s new and doesn't want to be pushing or smothering. When they are together he says they have an amazing time. She always tells him the next morning how much she enjoyed herself. I don't think that's an issue.
I think you hit the nail on the head, he *is* comparing. She is very much an artistic free spirit and very bubbly and coy at times. It doesn't seem she's into deep conversations as far as I can see. She and I visit as well and it's always lighthearted banter. He is artistic and all over the place as well but he's very much a talker and so he and I have very different style conversations. Hubby and I have shared how our evenings have been and perhaps sharing so much isn't a great idea.
They have had a talk at her prompting actually. She shared that she's overwhelmed and spreads herself too thin. She feels badly that she's not taking the time she would like. I thought it was very nice. She wants to live in the moment, not talk about the future and enjoy exploring where this goes organically. I think this sounds great. I think he just wants to know and for her to say he's not out there all by himself, that she has an interest in more than sex and that he's not going to be hurt because she's not really wanting the same thing.
In regards to our child... We would not want to introduce them at this stage. I don't know that we have a set time when we'd like to but certainly would be a long time before we would. And it's not a deal breaker at this point either. Very early on we were talking about what's, where this could go, what we'd like to have in a poly relationship etc... In one of those conversations Hubby did come out and ask if they were opposed to doing things with children around at some point. She said she would talk to him and never has responded or broached the subject again.
Hubby and I did talk about what if things didn't work out with her. He said he knows we have a connection and I like him so he'd be ok with it. But my worry is because he does have a crush developing would it be hurtful for him.
I guess my fear is will our lifestyles ever really mesh. Or are my thoughts still aligned with mono thinking? When I envision love and a partnership/relationships I imagine sharing many aspects of your life. Our lives are very different. We do all enjoy similar music, art, movies, cultural references etc.. But our free time is spent much differently. It takes planning for Hubby and I have a date night to enjoy the adult enjoyments of life. Maybe twice a month if that we have a short date night because of childcare concerns. We plan a weekend getaway at least twice a year. Beyond that our time is spent at the park, the zoo, discovery center etc… On the flip side they go out with friends a few times a week and happy hour is the place to be. Not to imply that they are lushes. We’d love to have more free time but with having a young child at home it’s difficult. Perhaps the answer is rather than planning evenings for the four of us perhaps it will require we plan completely separate date nights. I dunno…just trying to figure this out.
As much as I would love to be a free spirit I’m planner and if I can’t sort something out in my head it drives me bonkers. Or maybe I’m trying to label it into a planned this is how this should go… But on the reverse when he sends me a message every morning to wish me a good day and tells me how much he’s excited to see me I melt and none of this matters.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings…