Originally Posted by Anneintherain
Well I would say that you are living too much in the comparison mindset. That usually doesn't end well. It is something I am more used to seeing as bluntly as you put it in your posts, in a monogamous person trying to choose who to date.
Considering H is only there once a month, and...does not seem to be as eager for connection as you do, I think it does frankly come across that you might put up with R as a "placeholder" while your lovely assertive H isn't in town. Or I should say if I were R and came and read this, I'd not be interested in talking to you again.
If you note in your first post you say
I think the challenge for me is to love R completely and fully, the way that she deserves, without feeling that she's just holding H's place when she's away
In the last post
R might just be the right thing to keep my head straight while H is away
You should date R if you want to date R, and H if you want to date H, not because you need your partners to balance out the "issues" you see in the other of availability, sexual aggressiveness, apparent interest/willingness to respond to your texts, or anything else in the other. I find it
And I may be reading this wrong but...it seems you still haven't told R that you are poly, or that you are dating H. Hopefully if not you will, as you say you aren't actually dating R yet, but on that note, it seems odd you are talking about "Loving R completely and fully" when...you know... you aren't dating yet.
Thanks for pointing out the inconsistencies. This is what I need from this thread and forum.
I haven't actually started dating R, although we've hung out a few times. Each of our intents is quite clear, but it hasn't been formally expressed. I'm just trying to clear my head and make sure it starts correctly, because it's usually easier to prevent anything wrong from happening in the first place, than to fix a problem that has already happened.