Well I would say that you are living too much in the comparison mindset. That usually doesn't end well. It is something I am more used to seeing as bluntly as you put it in your posts, in a monogamous person trying to choose who to date.
Considering H is only there once a month, and...does not seem to be as eager for connection as you do, I think it does frankly come across that you might put up with R as a "placeholder" while your lovely assertive H isn't in town. Or I should say if I were R and came and read this, I'd not be interested in talking to you again.
If you note in your first post you say
I think the challenge for me is to love R completely and fully, the way that she deserves, without feeling that she's just holding H's place when she's away
In the last post
R might just be the right thing to keep my head straight while H is away
You should date R if you want to date R, and H if you want to date H, not because you need your partners to balance out the "issues" you see in the other of availability, sexual aggressiveness, apparent interest/willingness to respond to your texts, or anything else in the other.
And I may be reading this wrong but...it seems you still haven't told R that you are poly, or that you are dating H. Hopefully if not you will, as you say you aren't actually dating R yet, but on that note, it seems odd you are talking about "Loving R completely and fully" when...you know... you aren't dating yet.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 03-16-2012 at 01:26 AM.