Originally Posted by PolyCurious4
Hubby is more black & white, he'd like to know where he stands vs. is she going along for the ride because her Hubby is connecting so well with me. We’re pretty good at communicating so far between the four of us but how/should you address such a concern? He’s tried to let her know he’d like to have more time to talk to her but doesn’t want to pressure. The biggest thing for him is he doesn’t want to feel it’s more of a sexual thing than a connection.
Has he come out and SAID he want to know where she stands, and to find out if she's just going along for the ride because her husband's connecting well with you? Asking straight out at least has a good chance of getting to the heart of the matter, unless she's not really being honest with herself.
If you have dates 1-2x a week, it sounds like there is time to talk to her. If he requires she be a different sort of communicator than she is, I am guessing he is going to be left unhappy. If she doesn't want to have long heartfelt conversations over the phone or email, she's not going to. Besides asking for exactly what he wants and asking if she is willing to give it to him, it can be a problem in a relationship to not be satisfied with who the person IS, and focusing on how you wish they'd be. I really consider for me the time is over where I have enough free time or desire to spend every day giddy chatting with a partner, I have a husband, a boyfriend, chores, places to go and friends to see, and it maybe she is the same, and then there is school. Some people need some time to themselves. Maybe she isn't suffering NRE as much as the rest of you so doesn't feel the need to jump headfirst and prefers moderation. Nobody can know if they don't ask her about it.
How old is this relationship? Do you and your husband have some sort of timeline in mind where it is intolerable if they won't spend family time with you and your child? I am guessing lots of people prefer to bond before getting involved in family time. Nevertheless, if your relationships aren't to a place where you can broach the subject (Hey, I'm curious, I'd like to be able to hang out with the four of us and our kid, you guys seem reluctant to do that now, am I misreading that? Can we talk about if you think you would feel that comfortable at some point?), then it's probably to soon to be wanting to hang out as a 5some anyway.
Is it going to be a deal-breaker if you and the husband connect and want to keep dating but he and the wife end up not being that compatible? If it's really early on and it's such an issue that two of you are connecting more than the other two of you, I am guessing it's likely that it will be a difficult road if he can't focus on the positives instead of comparing.