View Single Post
Old 03-15-2012, 11:33 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Yeah, I agree that sponsors are there to help you work the steps and maintain your sobriety, not to be therapists or "affirm" your lifestyle, so be careful if you are relying on a sponsor in that way. They should just be focused on helping guide you in staying clean and sober by using their own experience, strength, and hope, as they say. I am sure there are many sponsors whose sponsees live lives they themselves would never choose, but that should not get in the way of them sponsoring effectively and compassionately. Think about people who are in the program and are still bartenders -- sometimes they have problems finding sponsors who do not object to their career choice. Ideally, a sponsor's opinions of the kind of life you lead should only be pertinent to whether or not they see any red flags in your behavior that might threaten your sobriety. A good sponsor should have a reasonable ability to be objective.

If I were you, I would tell your sponsor that you sense some judgment coming from her about your lifestyle. Hopefully you feel comfortable enough to talk to your sponsor as a trusted friend with whom you can be truthful, in order to be upfront about that. Acknowledge that your relationships are not traditional, but assure her that the structure of your relationships is not a threat to your staying clean and sober. I would tell her she can ask questions about it if she wants to, and you want to be able to talk to her about that part of your life without feeling judged. Just because someone is a sponsors doesn't give them any authority over their sponsees. If you feel she can't get past her judgments to effectively sponsor you anymore, start looking for someone who might be more in tune with "alternative lifestyles."

That all having been said, are you sure it isn't that you are just self-conscious about your situation, expecting to be judged for it, and reading things in her facial expressions that aren't really there? Either way, you need to bring it up with her.

Full disclosure: I am not in a 12-step program anymore, but did belong for a few years before realizing it wasn't right for me. I am still very familiar with it from supporting close family members and friends in the program, and attending meetings with them regularly for years.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-15-2012 at 04:50 PM.
Reply With Quote