Thanks for the feedback everyone! I know I'm going to need all the support I can get when I feel really down on myself!
I figure I ought to warn everyone who reads this now that much of what will be posted here will be heavily emotionally charged and not really fair. But it's just my perspective and my venting place. I want a safe way to vent all the bad things I'm thinking without placing the burden of it on my partners. This does not mean I'm not communicating but I feel that taking the time to work out my emotions first before explaining them usually helps me deal with the crazy.
As far as equality goes...this is such a touchy issue I feel when it comes to poly. When I say equal, I don't mean keeping count of every action or non action that happens. But I do mean in feeling like my partner values me just the same as they value their other partners. And right now...things have been hard and I haven't always felt that way. And I'm doing this challenge to see if I can change that and to see if I'm making the situation worse by my internal dialogue.
Thanks again for stopping by!