First of all Ilove2men, thank you for feeling safe enough to broach this delicate topic for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with us too. I am always left feeling so honoured that people would share a part of themselves that is so deep. Completely honoured.
I find it very sad that you don't experience connection when you are having sex with your fiance. I'm glad to here that you do in other ways and I sincerely hope that you merge the two at some point. The results are incredible.
I have done some hard work in regards to past experiences that happened to me throughout my life in various ways. I don't think any of it influences me any more thankfully. I feel very fortunate that I got help as soon as I saw I needed it and that that part of my life is over now.
I would suggest perhaps using your cuddle time to move forward into moving that feeling into sexual times.... perhaps if you ask him not to have his own agenda at all in your love making for an occasion. Perhaps if you were to move your fiances hand over your body as it suits you and direct his actions when you feel ready to move your mind to feel connection. Slowly you could move your body to allow him to enter you at your own pace. Again, no agenda on his part. It wouldn't be necessary for him to cum, or you for that matter, but to experience the feeling of moving together and feeling connected together as one. I wonder if either of you could end the whole session if the old feelings of separateness return. Or let the whole experience lead to orgasm as you see fit. You'd need a lot of time I think...