Originally Posted by SourGirl
I feel bad for you Lemon. I can understand your exasperation.
At first,..just reading this post, I thought you were being pretty selfish worrying about yourself when there was a baby on the way. I then went and read your other thread,.....Wow, you have been a real stand-up kinda person. Seems as if you are trying really hard to be supportive, and just desiring to have smooth waters before any new issues are created.
I am not sure what I could say to steer you in the right direction, but I can say, I think you are entitled to your feelings, and they should be heard by those who care about you. You are definitely not crazy for feeling how you do.
Tell me, do L and B give you a feeling of 'fairness' outside social/romantic endeavours ? Do you feel they pull their weight in and around the house, paying bills, etc ? Have they taken anything for granted in that manner ?
I wanted to thank you (and everyone else) for looking beyond the initial view here. I really do want to be happy/excited and *for now* I haven't show them (L and B) otherwise (though I have discussed it with S). I think you hit the nail on the head in that I'd just like to have things going even decently for a short while before I feel like I get broadsided by something else.
I am trying very hard to figure out how to express my feelings to L and B without coming across as harsh or unsupportive. I will support L completely through this pregnancy, even if only as a friend, but that doesn't negate my feelings and I'm trying to figure out how to express that. I have a tendency either gloss things over or bash people over the head with them and I'm trying to find a middle ground, especially on this issue.
L really does almost more than her share in the house. She cooks pretty much all the meals (this is by her choice, cooking is stress relief for her), and often picks up after the children. L, S, and B (pretty much in that order) care for the 4 youngest children throughout the day and the oldest (8 years old and homeschooled) after he finishes his school work which I supervise while working myself. B has a slightly more than part-time job and they are attempting to get on their feet enough to contribute financially to the house but at the moment the financial contribution is a bit sketchy. We have been splitting food costs for now though, as they have been able to get food stamps due to their low income, so S and I's expenses really have not gone up too much since they moved in (but they haven't gone down either).
It's just still difficult. We are all very "attachment parenting" styled in our parenting. We believe in comforting our children if they are upset, even if it's after bedtime. So even if all the children are supposed to be in bed at 7pm if they are having difficult nights it may be that the biological mothers (L and I) are in and out of the children's sleeping areas multiple times over the course of the evening. Last night, for example, S left for work at 3:30pm I came down from work at 5pm and we all ate dinner quickly. L went to drop B off at work at 5:30. She came home and had a tutoring appointment so we piled all the children in the van to take her for that. When we got home (around 7pm) my 2 year old was asleep, she took her 2 children to bed at the same time. Around 8pm her 2 children were asleep and I needed to take my infant to bed so we basically swapped use of the main area of the house. I got my infant to sleep around 9:30 and her children woke up again needing comfort (and a potty break). She finished dealing with her children around 10:30 and my infant woke up needing to nurse again. By the time my infant was asleep again (and my 2 year old whom the infant woke) her 2 children were also asleep, but it was 11:30 and she was exhausted. Considering I have a self-imposed bedtime of midnight in order to get enough sleep to be sane we agreed (through text) that she should just go to sleep. So we saw each other for probably 2 minutes while passing each other in the hall.
This is a frequent enough occurance in the house that it severely limits our ability to spend time together and on some level I was looking forward to the aging of the general child populace of the house to lessen it, while instead now I have the addition of another needy infant to look forward to. L and B are still dealing with initial jealousy enough that they have a "both or none" rule for any physical intimacy beyond a quick kiss and the basic couch snuggle (which is all I've done with either of them at this point). I have no issues with this rule in theory, but considering the seeming near-impossibility of L and I both being child free and available at the same time it just really complicates matters all around.