View Single Post
Old 03-14-2012, 02:27 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Yeah, let go. You will gain nothing from beating yourself up over anything. Look at the good things, let go the icky. It's a nice, romantic thing you did with the ring, and I'm sure that made her happy.

I cry at the drop of a hat, but usually that is connected to my thought processes and not my emotions. I might be a little like your wife regarding emotions in that many times people in my life get this idea that I am not reacting or feeling as much as I "should" in a situation. My ex-husband used to get so upset because he thought I wasn't "sentimental enough." But I grew up in a household where self-preservation meant keeping my feelings under wraps, especially when the shit was hitting the fan. I usually liken how I handle stress to a duck. We see a duck on a lake and it looks like it's just sitting there, floating on the water -- BUT under the surface, its little webbed feet are all go-go-go. So, imagine how it feels for someone to seem reserved on the outside while processing a lot of stuff on the inside.

I also wanted to say that, for lots of newly poly people, it helps to have some transition time between being with one lover in their environment and coming back to a partner in their own home environment. It can be hard, and weird, to jump right into day-to-day life and relating. Some people need an hour or two, some a day or two, to process before reconnecting with their SO. There is a thread that started to address that here: How do you avoid distraction?

Most important, though, is to stop beating yourself up. Now.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote