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Old 03-13-2012, 09:30 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by LusciousLemon View Post
I do realize my posts here are mostly whiny...
Well, I didn't think you sounded whiny, so I'm sorry if I seemed to say that. It just sounds like you are kind of drowning in quicksand, so to speak, and I am wondering how you could be more proactive to get yourself out of that dynamic. That includes asking for what you need and want. I think it's important to let S. know how you're feeling and ask for some kind of effort, or at least to try and take a different perspective for her to see what's going on, somewhere in between what is happening now and her breaking it off with them. Tell her you don't want to be guilt-tripped for feeling the way you do, but something has to change. But, hey, if S does decide to end her connection with them, there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Guilt does nothing for you, so try not to go there. People have to live with the consequences of their actions and if they break up it's not your fault, but theirs for the way they handled it thus far.

Maybe what you need to give L as a friend is the plain unvarnished truth!

Maybe if you wrote it out, made a list of what is being done and what isn't being done by L and B and S that contributes to you feeling left out and like it isn't working. See if your responsibilities are more weighted than theirs and express what you need from them to feel more balanced. Seeing it "itemized" might make it less gigantic and overwhelming and would be something that people could respond to and come up with specific remedies to fix those things. I dunno, maybe it couldn't hurt.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 03-13-2012 at 11:26 PM.
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