Originally Posted by nycindie
Hmmm, I wonder why you're not happy and celebrating their news with them. Why are you so terrified? Here's an idea. Instead of focusing on what you will or will not be getting out of this situation, what about focusing on what you can give to the expectant mother as a friend? Instead of feeling left out, what can you offer to be more a part of everything? It just sounds like you have trouble stepping up and taking a stance, whether it is stating your needs plainly and clearly, asking for what you want, or taking the reins to participate with everyone rather than waiting for them to do what you hope for.
Might be time to call another meeting and have everyone sit down and discuss how this pregnancy will affect the living situation, and what all of you need to feel safe and secure in your relationships.
And if you're done with being involved with L and B, just make a choice instead of waiting around for something to happen. Go all in or get out and just let S have a relationship with them. I just don't see much benefit from twisting yourself into a pretzel to try and eke some satisfaction out of a situation that always leaves you feeling on the outs.
I think there are many factors to why I'm not happy and celebrating. First, this will make 6 children in the household, 5 under the age of 5 at the time the baby is born (really 5 under 4 for a few months). Secondly I think it draws into stark contrast the fact that I may never have another baby of my own
that distinction shouldn't really matter, but right now it does for me. See, my partner is a Male to Female transsexual. Our children were all conceived before she began her transition and we did not bank any sperm for future use for financial reasons, and L has already indicated she does not feel she'll ever be comfortable "sharing B's seed" (I know that could change, I'm working on the emotions of now). Thirdly are all the pregnancy related issues that are likely to detract from what I feel is already very tenuous time I get to spend with anyone
else in the household, including my own partner of 6 years (who, by the way, is very excited about this news).
I do realize my posts here are mostly whiny it's something I realize about myself and dislike and am trying to change but it's slow going. The way I process things is to identify all the things that could go wrong FIRST and then I have to talk myself through them (if I don't they just bury me). It sucks, I don't like it, I don't really know how to change it. I actually had JUST gotten finished discussing implementing a time management system to try to help me out with my very
limited time with the adults in the house when this happened (we're talking a matter of hours before she walked into the room with the positive test). It just feels
like every time I do step up something smacks me down.
As I said, I don't want to be done, I just don't know where to go or how to deal I guess. And I really have no one to talk it through with, because I can't talk to S about it because it makes her feel bad that I don't have what she has with them, then she talks about dropping her relationship with them because mine isn't there which just makes me feel worse and guilty. I know it probably seems that with the live in situation that there's a lot of time to work on relationship things, but honestly, there's not. With so many young children in the house most of the time is simply handling them. I get off work in the evenings, feed my children, change them, take them to bed, and often there's no time left at all after that.
I will try to think of what I can offer her as a friend etc. it's just hard when I already feel like my time is so full. (And for what it's worth, the only time I have to post here is downtime at work, so it's not like I'm using family time to post here, I stay off the internet entirely outside of work hours most of the time)