Originally Posted by tachycardia
..my mind was just totally rejecting my life..
This jumped out at me because it gets at what I would point to. I think you have gotten great advice regarding introspection and self-support, these are necessary foundational pieces to happiness. But I also think that as important as work on yourself is, sometimes a turning point can just as easily be a sudden flash of genius, a realization, an awakening etc.
It's my belief that our subconscious is there for a reason and when we are not in line with our path it will seek to align us.
One thing that I was surprised by in my own journey toward poly was how important the underlying narrative of monogamy and patriarchy were to the beliefs I had built - what was considered "natural" and why. Just like in politics, it is not enough just to be against
something, you must also be for
something. So to that end you need to be able to replace the old narrative with a new narrative. That's where the book Sex at Dawn
came in for me. I hate to go around plugging a book so devotedly but this one was important for me and many others.
And I won't be the first or the last to say, give it time. It's hard but sometimes the cycles in life take much longer to unfold then we'd like.