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Old 03-13-2012, 01:53 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 73

Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
It sounds like you have a lot of emotional stress going on right now. Might I suggest you take a step back, breath, get your life in order (don't fail class over a girl!!!) and then approach this again? Doesn't sound like your friend is going anywhere any time soon and you distancing yourself from her for a week or so (emotionally, not by ignoring her) may be good for you. Judging by her recent actions, it sounds like you and her boyfriend are both smothering her on this subject and she's already struggling with trying to figure out what she wants.
I'm really trying to take care of myself - that's why I'm here!

I go to a top-ten university, and I love it so much, but when things happen, it's tough. If you breathe for too long, you fall behind. I took last week off, so now I have to catch up, you know?

I believe my girl when she says she's not upset. I'm sure she's just overwhelmed. I don't want to push her and I tend to do that when I get anxious, so I'm keeping my distance like she needs.

Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
You guys are too young for this much melancholy. Unfortunately, the stage you're at is when life feels the most important. Trust me. Even as little as 4 years from now will be an entirely new life for you.

I've been there. We all have.
Isn't everyone too young for melancholy? I don't think that's a useful statement. I'm certain you didn't mean to be condescending, but to me it came across in that way.

My motto is that unless you die in the middle, it'll get better.

A bit about my history that might make you understand a bit more:

Two years ago, when I was 19, I went through a period of severe clinical depression. I was suicidal and afraid I would take my own life, and though I didn't attempt it I ended up in a hospital for six days. After that I went through a year of cognitive behavioral therapy that taught me how to recognize when my thoughts are distorted by negative (or occasionally positive) emotion. Even if I can't always stop the trains of thought at that moment, the mere thoughts themselves lose their ability to ruin me for more than a day at the absolute worst.

I have been through so much worse. I will get through this. I'm sure you remember past problems as not being all that important. The thing is, everyone does. Your current problems (since everyone always has problems), I'm sure you'll look back on them in a few years and see them as less important.

But at the time, all problems seem huge, regardless of your age. You know?

I study the brain as my major. There's a phenomenon by which past pain is diminished in the memory. If it weren't, women would never give birth more than once!

What I'm saying is... it's not fair to say this isn't a big deal or that I'll realize it's not huge in a few years. For where I am in my life right now, for my future at [university name redacted ] and my future career in science (grad school and ???), for my health and for avoiding depression again, it is vital that this problem be fixed and fixed correctly, and soon.

Since Christmas, I've had vaginal sex for the first time, gotten an IUD and had a lot of pain from that, realized I was poly, dealt with a lot of drama involving a friend and [taking-it-slowly] new partner who lives on my hall (in my dorm) that has since settled happily, realized I'm biromantic and crushing on my friend, and gone through all this latest stuff.

It's just... a lot. I could have dealt with this a lot better if I wasn't already just damn exhausted.

Does where I'm coming from make a bit more sense now?

I'm young, I'm struggling a lot right now, but I'm not naive. I'm quite mature for my age, and part of that is knowing when I'm floundering and need help.

Just being here is more than a lot of adults would be comfortable with. I do it because I care about myself.

That's a long post and I'm not sure I was clear, sorry. Basically, this seems like a big deal because given where I am in my life in the past few months, where I go to school, and where I need to not let myself get again (namely, depressed), it is a big deal.

That doesn't mean this pain won't have been long forgotten in five years or less. I just need to deal with it while it's not forgotten.
Me: 22-year-old female, cis and queer, have identified as poly for ~2 years, currently in my first committed poly relationship

A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future

Last edited by LemonCakeIsALie33; 03-13-2012 at 02:08 AM.
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