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Old 03-13-2012, 12:03 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
No bad impression at all. I hear your pain. I'm sorry its been hard. Whining usually is about pain. Just in grown ups it changes into grown up pain... if that makes sense. I'm whiny today because I feel yucky. We all do it sometimes when things aren't easy.. I get it.
I think I see what you mean. You're not meaning to trivialize the pain, just reminding me not to demonize other people or expect them to know things they don't know yet (and that I didn't know a year ago, even)?

It makes sense. I just don't want to be a "whiner," even if I do whine sometimes. Does that make sense?

It's going to seem weird in a week that I was so worried about the opinion of an internet stranger, but I'm really fragile today. Somehow I think you can probably empathize.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What decision do you have to make? Did I miss something. Sorry if I did.
I need to change something so I can function. Again, it can be within myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
This guy needs time I think.
Do you think he'll actually think about this? I mean... from his perspective, maybe he's "won" and there's no reason to keep considering anything?

Is that, perhaps, not a very likely thing?

I guess... I'm struggling to understand this one view of his, so to me he could be an alien for all I know. Though I suppose I'm more the alien here, especially to him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Take a breath, get some sleep, let them figure out some stuff and leave them to it for a bit. If I were in your situation I would do this last bit for sure as there is nothing more distracting to a persons process than someone that is coming on strong with their need to know RIGHT NOW what will happen next.
This is true. She hadn't responded to a couple texts I sent asking if I could broach a possible solution (the trial period thing), and I was concerned that she might be upset, so I asked her if she needed some time. She said her phone was buried in her bag because she didn't feel like talking to anyone (very uncharacteristic of her) and that she wasn't upset and a few days to soak it in would be good.

I'm sure this is messing with her, too. She's had feelings for me for months and thought I didn't like girls, so I'm sure this is a shock.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
This might not work out for many reasons, but at least its a start into poly. If she decides that she can't be with you because of him then you will survive and will have learned something. Who knows, it might come around again. I am 42, I have partners that have come around over and over again who are lifers now with me. I love that sometimes I don't see them for years and then, they are their again. Still themselves, but having grown and matured and become more lovely than ever. When I was your age I thought that was it forever.... nope, things change with time and people change. I wish I had trusted that back then and relaxed, rather than allowing myself to disintegrate in pain and anguish over situations I was in.
How can I trust things I've never experienced? I want to but I don't know how.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Give yourself a break, you are doing fine in this.
This made me cry. I really needed to hear that I'm doing fine. Thank you. I've been trying to take care of myself but sometimes I can only do so well at that.

I feel so confused and just "give yourself a break" is... It's so validating. Thank you.
__________________
Me: 22-year-old female, cis and queer, have identified as poly for ~2 years, currently in my first committed poly relationship

A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future

Last edited by LemonCakeIsALie33; 03-13-2012 at 12:17 AM.
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