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Old 03-12-2012, 09:03 PM
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Tyleet Tyleet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Scotland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Something to think about, ( when you have differing viewpoints with a partner.) is the potential to not have the same rules set on each other. He can give you what you need, and you can give him what he needs. The rules don`t necessarily need to be common between you both. If you are on the same page there, then it`s best not to over-think things, or over-plan.
This seems like what's going to happen, as apparently (so far) he has much less need for disclosure and meeting metamours (I just learned that word, and I love it! It's so descriptive) than I do. The problem is that he may (I hope not, but it could certainly happen) feel resentful that I have more "demanding" needs in terms of relationship boundaries or parameters than he does.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
You can possibly think about the fact you want to acknowledge the person, and meet them, but it might go differently then you envision. Instead of 'always beforehand' you might need to make lee-way for it to happen before a date with one girl,..or 3-5 dates in with the next woman.
I'm open to being flexible. I do think that two or three weeks into an extensive flirt-fest is enough time to lead to an introduction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Outside of dating, we tend to bump into people in organic ways. If he just has the attitude of 'you`ll meet my wife at some point' I don`t see how it is a big deal if you say 'hello' while they are on the computer talking, or on the phone, or even a quick hi when they go for coffee. As long as it is just that, I don`t think it`ll seem like a big deal to anyone after the fact.
I would hope it wouldn't be a big deal, but so far, I haven't been allowed to do that. All I really want is to be able to say "Hi, I'm his wife, nice to meet you", and then, hopefully, it will feel natural for him to be able to pass on my greetings when I know they're chatting. But as it stands, there is no such connection between us at all.

If it IS a big deal for them to meet me, to the extent that they react negatively to the very idea, I feel that would not bode well for the impact of their relationship (whatever it may consist of) on our marriage. That would make it very, very, VERY difficult for me to trust them, or to trust him with them, and trust and honesty are the two most important aspects of a relationship for me. I have issues with that sort of thing; hell, I have subscriptions. ;-)

Thanks to everyone for your input, I appreciate the food for thought and the perspective from people who have been doing this for longer than I have. I welcome any more thoughts that anyone might have. If you've made a point you feel is important that I haven't addressed in my replies, feel free to remind me of it.
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