View Single Post
Old 03-12-2012, 08:52 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by younglove
...we've been spending a lot of time together - but he has a long distance relationship. Nothing has or ever will happen between us that would jeopardize that relationship... I don't want to be selfish or like come out with this news because perhaps it could influence his relationship...

I don't want the news of me being poly to open up "options" that end up influencing his LDR.
I don't understand this idea that telling him you're poly will "influence" his relationship. It doesn't make sense to me, as if his relationship is so fragile that it will come crashing down the moment he finds out you are poly. It seems like you have a fear that is blown a bit out of proportion.

What if a single monogamous person befriended him and told him she is single and available? Would that "influence" his relationship? Who knows how many available attractive people come into his life every day? Are they all a threat to his relationship?

Maybe his relationship is strong enough to handle friendships with other people in various situations. Maybe it's not that serious a relationship, or since it's an LDR they might even have an agreement to see other people that you just don't know about. Maybe you could even tell him you are attracted to him and it wouldn't change a thing because he is steadfast and loyal and not so easily swayed. And maybe your friendship with him already has already been an influence -- a good one.

I think that if he were afraid that being with you would endanger his LDR, he wouldn't be hanging out with you as much as he already has. My point is, the strength of his relationship is dependent upon him and his gf, not you. If he found out you like him and are poly, and his relationship fell apart afterward, do you honestly believe it would be your fault? Relationships don't just fall apart out of the blue, generally they've been bad for a while. So, I wouldn't worry about that at all. The topic can just come up in conversation about relationships and you can be honest about your situation. Relax and be yourself.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-12-2012 at 09:04 PM.
Reply With Quote