Even when people know they have the freedom to do as they please, it can still be scary to come entirely clean about our interest in others. After all, society tells us so strongly that it's wrong! Also, this sounds kind of bad, but sometimes people just don't think of saying anything right away... if it doesn't seem serious to them they may either just not think to or it can genuinely slip their minds. Some people think very little of flirting. So, hopefully your husband will act differently in the future -- I too would want to know about potential interests sooner rather than later -- but I wouldn't take his failure to alert you too much to heart at this point.
As for your request to say hi, it seems incredibly reasonable to me, and I think he should step up and honor it, even if it makes him and/or his new friend slightly uncomfortable. Even if poly weren't on the table, just wanting to meet your husband's friends would STILL be reasonable for someone with problems with anxiety. To avoid scaring her off, hubs should just keep it as light as possible -- "My wife likes to say hi to my friends, do you mind if I give her your email address? I promise she won't bite or send you an essay.
" It might seem a little odd to her but it's such a small thing... if she's not willing to do that, it'd be hard not to conclude that she doesn't care about your comfort enough to bend even a little and that's not a good sign for someone who could be a future metamour.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-12-2012 at 06:46 PM.