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Old 03-12-2012, 05:48 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 391

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think we have kinda proven over and over again on this forum that this is just not the case. Have a look in the search engine for "mono/poly" and you will see that people are actually monogamous

It might not work for you, and yes, in part it is a by-product of social conventions, but it works for others. I think the key to it all is to believe in diversity. Difference is the new norm... that means all differences, mainstream ones also. I think that when people say that monogamy is socially constructed that they are actually being as close minded as those that say poly people just want sex or that bisexuals are sitting on the fence. It feels good to say such things and puff ourselves up (I have been there too), but really, its not truthful as far as I can see.
Every time someone here voices the idea that monogamy might not be natural behavior for humans, they are quickly silenced and scolded for being close-minded.

That's certainly not the same as "proving over and over again" that monogamy is a natural state.

The reason this keeps coming up again and again is that it's NOT a closed issue.

Of course monogamy works for some people. And lots of people identify as mono and/or practice monogamy by either choice or orientation or both. Nothing wrong with that.

But there is plenty of evidence that humans (both male and female) evolved with a need for sexual variety (and with a need to bond emotionally over sex too). To make this observation does not mean one is being close-minded about mono people!

Serial monogamy and cheating occur because lifetime monogamy is extremely difficult for many (possibly most) humans.

That doesn't mean everyone should be poly. But it does mean there's a lot more to it than a mono/poly dichotomy.

And it does mean there is something seriously warped about society's (current mainstream American society, in my case) expectations for monogamy. I am not saying this out of unhealthy resentment or to "puff myself up" as a poly-ish person. This is an issue that is genuinely important to me.

On the other hand, whether monogamy is a natural state or not isn't at all relevant to how people want or choose or need to live their lives. It's not natural for humans to live in permanent houses and eat processed foods either--but I am happy doing both those things.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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