Originally Posted by redpepper
Things come up to bite you in the ass if you don't let everyone in on what is going on for you as soon as you can. So I make sure that I do a lot of talking.
This is the main issue, I think. I am keen to make sure everyone knows what's going on, and I felt threatened when I didn't find out about his online flirting friend for weeks, and then only when I noticed them chatting and asked about it. I'm glad that he let her know close to the beginning that he was with me, but why didn't he let me know about her? That feels like cheating to me, and he knows it. He knows that the biggest issues for me in this (or any) relationship are honesty and openness. If he knows that and still isn't forthcoming, what am I supposed to think?
It doesn't help that I have problems with depression and profound anxiety, both of which are aggravated by feelings of helplessness or betrayal. These are things I'm working on, but I need to feel secure and at home in the relationship if any of this is going to work. It's hard enough being so far away from everything I've ever known and isolated by loneliness and anxiety, without feeling like the most important person in my life (other than my daughter) is hiding important things from me.
I know I overthink things, but as we're still working out how this is actually going to work, I think a little more thinking is better than not enough at this point. ;-) Thanks for your perspective. I'll get to the rest of the responses in the bit, after I run some errands.