As for the ownership/marriage/property argument. I guess I didn`t miss much over the weekend.
If you think about society today, and what we grow up learning. Today`s under-40 crowd, has in general learned about people who are 'gay' and what that *might* mean.
That leaves us with some people who still don`t care to understand homosexuality or gay rights, ( traditional ) some people who understand through exposure, and others who try to embrace exactly what that means, to stay politically correct.
Where that can lead, is situations where the husband ( or wife in the vice-versa) doesn`t feel threatened by the wife having same-sex relations, as he may have some background, or education on understanding what homosexuality entails, and that it is not a 'choice' to be homosexual.
Where as,....99% of us, have not been exposed to education on 'rights' to choices in more then one romantic partner in heterosexual relationships. So a lot of information gets 'dumped' in a short period of time to process.
Like most of us, I have watched many relationships around me, and wondered how people get to where they are. I have seen many people struggle with 'what is right', but very few do it out of a sense of direct ownership. Usually the partner struggling to accept ( we`ll say husband for arguments sake, only.) is trying to educate themselves, understand what is wanted and why, and figure out if it is 'right' to want that.
Ownership in poly is usually overt, and deliberate. 'Man' allowed to have multiple partners, woman is not, as it is not 'her place'.
So,.my point is,..as I play catch-up and read....I think you are doing pretty great at the processing.
So keep discussing thoughts, and hearing new outlooks. I hope you both have an enjoyable reunion.