Originally Posted by Anneintherain
I found out early on that my husband did not consider it any less likely that a male partner would be impetus for me to leave than a female partner would, if I was going to leave him. It was a refreshing change from what I'd seen typically by men, to see he didn't see f/f relationships as less valid than m/f. Only downside it meant that poly was just as scary and there was no dipping my toes in the water of "oh I'll just date girls until you're more comfortable".
KyleKat - I KNOW this is her vacation, and as it's almost over I won't prod you about it but the truth is this isn't JUST a vacation, and to ask for contact is not weak at all, if it would help you. You need to look out for your needs to feel loved, and if it happened to be interrupting her on a non traditional vacation, it is something you NEED to learn to do. Plenty of people have justified why they don't speak up because well its just a"X" so I should be able to deal with it, but if you are bothered by something, don't suck it up. Sure, maybe you are selfish as you say? but when going through such a monumental new experience, that's one of those times you can use being selfish to your advantage, to make sure you don't come out the other side wishing you'd had the nerve to speak your mind.
It's not like I am planning on not telling her. I just wasn't going to make the middle of her vacation time to change the rules. That feels tacky to me. I agreed to limited contact, realized I'm able to tolerate it but don't like to, and opted to wait until she gets back to let her know. I feel that it's a big enough deal that she needs to know for next time but not important enough to call an audible. Besides, most of my trepidation comes from being alone this time. I fully expect to have someone that I can spend time with by the next time she leaves. I need a focus for my energy or I get stir crazy. If I have that then it won't be a big deal to not call her for a week. Sure I'll still miss her but at least I won't constantly be imagining them together.