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Old 03-12-2012, 11:30 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lariel View Post
Unfortunately, the second half read like something my therapists have been saying for years, and while I understand some people need to hear this kind of thing, I've already heard it before.
Oh, what second half? Therapists have told you that polyamory is not for the fainthearted, and made suggestions on how to ground yourself to prepare for it? I wasn't giving you rote feel-good talk. I was sharing my opinion reached by experience and observation. If I look back at my 20s, even the most stable periods would feel like too much drama for me now. I was talking about an internal tumult.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lariel View Post
I feel like I might be latching onto polyamory, but only because it's the first new idea I've had for some time. There is nothing else I can find within my life that is bothering me, and yet the depression stays, as it always has... My 20s have actually been the most stable decade of my life so far, but my depression is still here and nothing seems to be able to shake it.
It sounds like dysthymia, a chronic, low-grade form of depression. I've been told I have that by one doctor. It can be very difficult not to feel negative or discouraged.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lariel View Post
I've seen the 'bring your best self to a relationship' phrase around on here, it's a good phrase. Sadly, I just don't think I know how to.
Well, maybe by doing some of those things your therapists have suggested, heh-heh. Let love and loving yourself be the guiding factor in your relationships. Seriously, exercise helps. Volunteer. Do something creative. Look at and talk about your feelings. Find a group to belong to. Work on esteem issues. They say if you want self-esteem, do esteemable things. There's so much we can do to bring ourselves up out of a funk and feel better even if it never goes away, and to not drain the people we love with neediness or whatever.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-12-2012 at 11:33 AM.
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