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Old 03-12-2012, 10:08 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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I think negotiating boundaries is about understanding what each of you would ultimately consider ideal and, if they are vastly different, then compromising to give up certain points on it, in order to meet in the middle. It isn't about each partner insisting on their way and their way only.

For example, perhaps you could both allow for the other to flirt online with someone and even have a casual date or two or three (in the American definition of dating - going out and doing something together to see if there is chemistry) without meeting that person unless your spouse feels it has potential to be more and become a romantic relationship. Introducing a spouse to someone could seem like overkill before they've even gotten to know that person or whether there is potential there. I would feel weird just meeting someone and being intro'd to the wife right off the bat, before I know if I even want to get to know him better and see if anything will come of it. And if he doesn't feel the need to get to know anyone you're dating, such a compromise wouldn't beat him over the head with what you're doing but would satisfy your need to keep him informed when things start to develop. Just an idea.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 03-12-2012 at 09:15 PM.
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