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Old 03-12-2012, 06:33 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LemonCakeIsALie33 View Post
Sorry, I was unclear - I'm willing to be very patient. He said he may never be okay with us being sexual together.

She would be okay with being sexual right now if not for him.
I know what you meant. I was saying it's her decision as to when she broaches the subject with him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Well it seems like he is apprehensive and slightly threatened. If might be a good idea to tell him that eventually you will want that in your relationship with her but for now you are okay with starting off slowly and seeing how it goes. That his pace is important to you and that you wish to make sure that he is as comfortable as possible with this process. I would add at the end that you will be considering everyones comfort as much as possible and if that means that the sexual aspect need pushing to ensure that, that you will be advocating for moving ahead in this department. I see no reason to sugar coat or make promises that are impossible to keep. After all, part of a partnership is often sexual. If that is something you and her desire then its important to be honest about your compromise for him and your willingness to compromise for now.

This is reminding me of my journey with this with my partner Mono and my now ex, Leo. You can read about it in my blog from Christmas 2010 until the spring of 2011. It was a ride that I think ended my relationship with Leo. Neither of us were getting our needs met I don't think and as a result I was just not able to go to the depth that I am accustom to and really need.
I'm much newer to all of this and maybe I'm wrong here so I'm asking but do you think it's a good idea for her to bring this up to him now? Being sexual isn't something you should rush into. There's no reason to discuss it now if they don't need it now and are happy being romantic in other ways. As with other relationships, when the time is right is when you should approach that subject, at least in my opinion. I feel like he isn't going to be receptive to the idea especially if it's the OP that's bringing it up.

*shrug* Maybe I'm being naive but I think it's better to have a good time now and worry about the heavy stuff later, when it's necessary. She's effectively gambling that he's not going to just be like, "If you can't agree to this you can't see her" where as later on in the relationship when he realizes that his girlfriend's time is shared but her love is not he may be more receptive.

This is new for the guy as well as for the two of you.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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