The two aren't always there simultaneously. I just had to smile because I have had a hard time already explaining the way my mind and feelings work to Sward and Lin. But I will try again.
Basically, there are three stages of the need for physical expressions of my feelings: exclusively Sward, exclusively Lin, both of them at the same time. Each relationship has it's own dynamic and pace and it isn't the case that when I am in the mood for one I am automatically in the mood for the other as well. Therefore there was no other urge to satisfy during those nights I stayed awake to wait for my feelings to calm down. The possibility of something in the direction of Sward developing afterwards was possible, but not a must.
There is no primary urge that is more pressing than the other(s) in the case of me longing for both. If I am in that kind of state, first come, first served.
It's not all the same for me on the one hand, but on the other … it is. As soon as I really get things started with one, the other urge is in some kind of waiting position, without me still noticing. I am always totally concentrated on my current partner, it never happened that I unconsciously thought of the other, but as soon as one side of the urge has been satisfied, the other comes knocking at my door. I am not calm afterwards, there is still something I want. This wouldn't be the case if it had been directed towards one of them right from the start.
Geez, this sounds so technical and strange … I hope it makes sense. *scratches head*
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.