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Old 11-24-2009, 12:54 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

but why would Maca think that he couldn't fuck another woman without you around (I have to say, *really!*)
Physically. What he was worried about was that since he was raised (and thought that he believed) that sex and love were...... well went hand in hand, then he was concerned he PHYSICALLY wouldn't be able to go there with someone else.

and why would you want to add this drama added to your life?
I don't. BUT I do want him to face down his fears and find out the truth of who he is. I want him to be able to know if he can or can't handle a poly relationship in any aspects he thinks interest him and know I will support him in doing so in so much as I can.

Stuff like that creates craziness in my experience and adds more to an already complicated issue.
yes it does add complications. I was careful to choose someone who is a GOOD friend of mine and understands fully that this is a one time thing so he could decide if he CAN be poly (on his end) and face his fears that he wouldn't be able to go through with things-as a friend guiding a friend down a frightening path that could lead to a beautiful garden on the other side.

Was this to some how even up the score, make you feel that your cheating for 15 years was somehow lessened? Was it just a way to have his needs met so that you would feel better about your and greenchecos needs being met?
Nope. Not at all. That's just not my style. I've always taken full responsibility for my actions. EVEN when I was doing them. (sounds bizarre-but it is true). Ironically GG's and my needs don't include NEEDING sex. Maca's do. Without sex-he feels less wanted, less loved, less needed. But GG and I don't have that dynamic in our relationship. GG's a crapload more "vanilla" than Mono just based on the few things that have been detailed about Mono on this board. Our "needs" are more along the line of time to talk about WHATEVER we want/need to discuss and freedom to confide in one another. I need to be able to put my head on his shoulder when my world starts to fall apart (or feels like it is) but it's really just not sexual. Dont get me wrong-yes we have and do have sex. But it's so completely not sexual... I don't even know HOW to explain that one. Sorry.

I don't mean to sound rude, and blunt, and certainly am not judging, but I am trying to understand and care about you all.
No worries. I don't mind questions-they help clarify concepts and ensure joint understanding.

How this would at all benefit anyone other than your friend and Maca got a night of fucking that was above board is very odd to me and rather puzzling.
Mostly-this was for Maca to "test the waters". The benefits to me (or GG) are only in our having more of an ability to bond with him if he knows himself better. That's it.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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