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Old 03-11-2012, 09:12 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I feel bad mentioning sexy time with MC because TGIB and I can't have that right now.
Well, I know that situation, Lin and I were facing it when we were still apart and I wouldn't want to have that back ever, because we were severely bothered by it. It was hell sitting in front of the PC and not be able to touch, I am horrible with LDRs.

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Maybe there's a part of me I wasn't previously aware of that just wants a little more privacy with each of my guys than I currently have.
I don't think it is the level of privacy in my case. The main reason why I am uncomfortable with the general situation is that I separate the two relationships strictly. Especially in that regard, I don't want them to mingle. The first root for my insecurity may be that I don't like talking about it because I want to 'protect' the intimacy I have with each by not talking about it. Just like I wouldn't talk about my feelings for the respective other with one of them. I am not good at voicing this either.

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
If it bothers you to have back to back sexual encounters why do you do it??
I have no idea what those are, but I guess it somehow describes what I was talking about. What is 'back to back' in this context?

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Feeling of fairness......unsatisfied sexually, boredom, ????
First of all: Punctuation marks are no pack animals.

Secondly: I was a bit surprised by your answer to put it nicely. Especially because of the last point. My first reaction when I get the feeling that someone is way off with guessing or a reaction to something I said or wrote is checking if I encountered some language boundaries and said something the wrong way. Maybe it was my post that gave off the vibe that I am bored and that I would sleep with someone out of boredom. As the sole idea kind of offended me I will say something to that first.

If this comment was due to me saying 'life is quiet and good, everything got so comfy and such' no, I didn't mean that I got so lazy and am indulging myself so much in the situation that I don't have something different to do than sleeping with my men. It implies that I would 'use' them to counter my tendency to abandon myself in idleness or something along those lines. Did you ever sleep with someone because of that reason or how would you come up with such an idea, dinged?

Yes, I have been unsatisfied sexually during the latest days, nearly even weeks and I was really happy when things changed so that I could pursue my needs again. But those aren't mine alone, I am in a relationship with those two. Is there something more natural than wanting to be together and intimate with the ones you love? If that 'back to back' meant sleeping with each of them, well, of course I would want that after such a time.

There are times I long for both of them and especially after such a period in our relationship, I nearly naturally crave for that kind of contact. Is that so strange to your mind? Even though you never have been in love with more than one, you should be able to reconstruct the basic feelings of that situation if you think about a 'normal' monogamous relationship. So why do I sleep with both of them? Because I long for them and two of the three of us (meaning Lin and I) wouldn't be comfortable with threesome settings.

Lastly: your first suggestion ... wasn't that far off, even though I got the feeling you are hinting in a different direction. No, I am not sleeping with each of them because I feel that it is fair to do so. Sometimes I want one, sometimes the other, sometimes both. I never do it out of obligation, if I long for Sward I will go be with him without having sex with Lin right afterwards if I don't feel like that. I get goosebumps just thinking about it, to be honest.

But you hit a point there. I think that I am still, in a strange way, in my mono-mindset about things that can be done or shouldn't be done. Even though they tell me that they aren't having problems any longer, because of 1) I know that there have been some in the beginning with this special topic and 2) I personally still know that it is hurtful if a partner sleeps and loves another. That is what I grew up with and even though I know that 1) has changed, I haven't adapted to a change of 2) as well. There is still a part of me that isn't able to think in 'poly-structures' and backs off if a situation comes up where I would have to fear (according to the old rules) overstepping a line and doing something 'not fair' to my love(s). I experienced 'the state of mind of a polyamorous person' for some years, most of them without accepting it, only roughly a year facing it and coming to terms with this new state of mind. I just seem to still have some processing to do and to make myself at home with the way I am and things are nowadays.

Therefore, even though my first reaction to your comment were some puckered brows, thanks for your comment and get me thinking, dinged Seems like I have quite some part of the way in front of me.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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