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Old 03-11-2012, 07:15 AM
Steven Steven is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Thank you guys for your advice!


Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Hi Steven,
I also thought, as I read, that if I were your wife, and I heard the statement, 'I don't believe in monogamy,' from a man who stood up, presumably in front of friends and family, and took vows with me, I would hear something along the lines of 'I'm unhappy with this marriage and thinking of not being married.' I would tend to hear that very loudly.
I don't know why I didn't think of that. Acknowledging my lifestyle shouldn't start with miscommunication. I do want to stay with her if it's possible and if she's willing stay with me after I tell her who I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
However, the method of telling is important. If someone said to me they were 'living only part of my life,' I'd be very unhappy that person spent 13 years with me, faking it.

I encourage you to do lots more research about telling, opening up, etc., before you have that conversation with her. There is tons of information in these forums. There's a sticky thread with good books, and though I haven't read it, I see folks recommending Tristan Taormino's 'Opening Up' for situations much like yours.

I think it's great you've found these forums, and you're able to write out many years' suppression!
I downloaded Tristan's book from Amazon and have started to read it. But what I really need is what you, and hopefully others, in this forum can help with. And that's advice from those who have been there and experienced it before me.

Normally, I just go for things in life, without much thought, and usually that works well. But this is different. If I'm not completely honest, or if I'm too blunt with my honesty (too much honesty too soon) I could damage my relationships (wife, kids, friends). I don't think I've been confronted with something that is so delicate before, I feel out of my element.

Slowly slowly I guess, one step at a time.

Thanks again.
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