Just my two cents on depression:
I not only didn't remember ever not being depressed, I did not even know I was depressed. I did know my life was pretty fucked, but I didn't know I was depressed. I was prescribed antidepressants for a not-mental condition (my diagnosis was fibromyalgia). A side effect of tricyclics is sleep, and that is why they give them to some chronic pain patients.
I was overcome with a feeling I had never felt before. Kind of overcome. I was so peaceful and serene that I could not get overly worked up about it! I was concerned, because I could not identify it. It took around two weeks to figure out that what I felt was lack of depression.!
At that time, I was not in therapy. I decided to stop the meds. Some time later, I had my doc, a psychiatrist, and a therapist. They all talked to each other, and I once again tried meds. Again, I was able to have the lack of depression.
I asked the shrink, 'how long do I have to take this stuff?' (a few side effects, like anorgasmia, were unacceptable). She said some folks take them for awhile and never need them again. Some have to take them periodically through their lives, and some have to stay on them always.
I turned out to be periodic until I wasn't anymore. I took many rounds of different things. I would be wealthy woman had I invested all the money I've spent on therapy. And I'm living proof that depression does not have to be forever. It does not have to be crippling.
Just because it is not easily solved does not mean it's impossible. I invite and encourage you to invest the time and money you can into solving it now. It will be worth it. It doesn't matter how long, on the day you realize you're no longer depressed, it's worth it.
For me? Totally normal to have loving feelings for friends.
Also, what Shannagin said.
I'm sorry you're hurting, and I encourage you to keep on.