News...if you care to hear.
Okay...he is feeling like crap for what happened. He wants us all to remain friends, he *says* he's okay with his wife and I still throwing darts on friday nights (she told him that was non-negotiable), and he's falling all over himself apologizing now. He's saying some really weird stuff though. Stuff like, "he's damaged something innocent and pure within his own marriage". His wife's in a tough situation, and regardless of the bullshit he pulled, he's still human and he's dealing with something that's so far out of his comfort zone that he's struggling to figure out who he really is, since his intellect isn't matching his emotions. I don't think he's playing "head games" as much as I think, in this situation he's a "head case".
Having been there in the past with my own wife (I never did what he did) in regards to jealousy, and feeling a monstrous fear of loss, I do empathize with him to some degree. My wife is fine, she's hurt to the quick, and she will be going over to their place tonight to open up both barrels and flay his soul by letting him know exactly how he hurt her and what she thinks about what he did. I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. His wife will probably just go sit at a coffee shop for an hour or so so they can have their chat and my wife can get some closure by calling a spade a spade, so to speak. This needs to be between them, and them alone at this point.
I'll be there for her when she's done with him and I'll be there for his wife if she ever needs a friend, an ear or a shoulder. But I really do want to maintain the friendship and the love of his wife...we'll respect his wishes and experience "courtly love"...I so frigging hate that term and what it really is. Whoever romanticized the ideal of courtly love was a moron considering how much it royally SUX to be living it.
Thanks for letting me vent here...glad I found this forum, since there really isn't anyone I know who I really can vent to like this. Oh, I could with my wife, or my girlfriend or her husband, but it just woudn't be the same and I'd be too busy watching for signs I'd said something hurtful inadvertently, and have to stop and rephrase...this is better. I really want to put up a wall, look at my girlfriend and say, "It's beyond my control", but I can't hurt her or me like that. Yes, I've seen Dangerous Liaisons one too many times.
Last edited by windmarkbob; 11-23-2009 at 10:00 PM.