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Old 03-09-2012, 04:36 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,450
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In my experience, not wanting to learn about poly, not doing research on one's own, is not a promising sign.

My ex, Beaker, was not interested at all in learning on her own about poly or non-monogamy. I told her that we could learn from others mistakes and joys but she was not interested and never researched it for herself. So we would have situations where, for instance, she assumed that she had veto power over my dating SW without us talking about it. I told her that unless I agreed to it, no she didn't. I then agreed to both of us having veto power, a decision I do not regret. However if she had been exposed to the many discussions on veto power here and elsewhere, it could have challenged her assumptions and made her think more about those assumptions. That would have been good for us. We did not break up because of poly. However not wanting to learn about it and making assumptions - on both our parts - did point to communication problems that were not brought into the open until it was far too late to save our relationship.

Your experiences will undoubtedly differ. But not wanting to learn and relying only on you to bring information about poly to the relationship may mean he is not that willing to think on his own about this, to challenge his assumptions and ideas about love, relationships, marriage.
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