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Old 03-09-2012, 04:19 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I'm having a hard time seeing that (joke ) or comment being anything.
Maybe you do the same type of thing and that's why can't see it, DH.

Okay, it was just something I pointed out as something to look out for and keep in check. Self-deprecating humor, or any jokes that put down one or the other in a relationship, do harm, whether you see it that way or not.

Maybe it's no big deal to the OP and his wife, it was just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
THE POINT of it is /was ...this has been hard and is getting harder with each day .....maybe harder then he plan for or expected. So what if he express how that discomfort has been building wrapped in an exaggeration (joke).
Right. So why not just fucking say what's bothering you instead of pretending it doesn't and making a joke about it which gets under the skin? I do have a sense of humor and am often funny in conversations, but I think it's important have awareness about whether or not humor is used as a passive-aggressive way to protect oneself or express discomfort. Because you do that often enough without really talking about the stuff that bothers you and eventually it builds up and explodes shit all over everyone. And what can the other partner say, except, "But I thought you were joking?"
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Right now he stuck doing all the heavy lifting ....I give him all the slack he needs or wants. I think her lack of communication is fueling this ....not anything from his end.
Lack of communication? It's only been, like, two days. And wow, interesting how you're the second guy to imply that Katie herself is not wrestling with the emotional ramifications of opening up the marriage. Just because she is the one to find someone and make the trip to start another relationship does not mean she isn't also doing "heavy lifting." Gah! This idea you and SoCalDoc have of the forlorn hubby sitting at home while wifey galavants and gets laid, without being thoughtful or doing any of her own inner work, is so sexist, onesided, and distastetful.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-09-2012 at 05:25 PM.
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