View Single Post
  #22  
Old 03-09-2012, 01:32 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,435
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
It's not unbearable yet but I made the joke to her today that by monday I was going to be a broken man, lol.
Yikes. Be careful about making jokes like that. The image of you as a "broken man" has been put into her consciousness now and it will likely have an effect. Don't forget that she is going through her own emotional roller-coaster about this change to your relationship, too. She doesn't want to think that what she's doing will break you down.

While having a sense of humor is important, making jokes about something you're uncomfortable with can be a passive-aggressive way to get what you want without really asking for it or expressing your fears, needs, etc. That is unconscious sabotage, a way of poisoning things for her -- and ultimately protecting yourself. It's like you put a turd on her ice cream cone, ya know? Here's she's got this nice ice cream and even though the turd is small, she can't enjoy it and has to throw it away. And maybe then she'll forget about all this poly business and just be with you, hmmm.

Better to sit with your feelings, come to terms with the part of you that fears this (this meaning the actual reality of polyamory) and feels it will break you (your words), and talk it out with trusted friends, a therapist, or us folks here before dumping on her. But it is something you should talk about with her when she gets back, after you calm yourself down a bit, and without backhanded jokes.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote