When I went to visit Lin for the second time, all of us knew that there would be sex involved. Sward and I (and Lin) talked every day via internet for some minutes up to an hour or two and stayed connected through that. Of course it was a weird situation and it was kind of nerve wrecking to experience talking to the man you have been exclusively with for nearly a decade right after sleeping with another man, but it helped Sward to feel calm about it and stay in the loop in a way.
As a matter of fact, I still not feel comfortable sharing too much information about intimate things with the respective other, in our case this won't change that fast if ever. So I would say that if your wife is the same, it was good that you didn't assail her with questions right after that happened
Best wishes for the two (three) of you.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.