More on anxiety
I think also a big part of it also is knowing that the anxiety will never be completely gone. I think that it started in me so early on that I'll will always need to work on it and be aware of it - more so if stressful things are happening.
I wonder if that is in part why my last relationship caused such changes in me. For me, it was safety. No more having to go through the world alone. No more turning up at live-in jobs knowing nobody and having to make friends. No more having to go out to meet people if I wanted somebody to talk to or needed a hug. My usual tendency to do new things mostly stopped then too.
Doing all of the things that I stopped doing caused me to confront and deal with anxiety regularly. Once I stopped doing them, I became more anxious and less likely to push myself.
So more isolated (not making the same effort with friends) and generally feeling more constrained. And I was more constrained - not so much by my relationship, the constraint came more from within myself. Eventually, I had changed so much that I barely recognised myself.
Hmmmm - interesting.