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Old 03-06-2012, 06:06 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
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Just a few thoughts, if they help...

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
Ok, things are looking up. He gave me a written explanation and apology, and I can see his point of view better now.
It often helps me to communicate in writing. I can think about what I'm going to say, and I don't get distracted from what I'm actually trying to communicate. Also, I feel less need to keep things to myself to avoid upsetting people. And less embarrassed if an apology is necessary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
This seems to be a huge part of it. He doesn't want to be made to look bad. This is why he could stomach me spending nights naked in C's bed, but not dancing with C at 11:45 New Year's Eve.
Oh my gosh, I totally get this. In recent months I had a relationship change to platonic. I was humiliated to be seen in public with my partners, because it felt like everyone could see that *I* was the one who stuck out, *I* was the one who had been rejected, that everyone else was happy but *I* was defective, unwanted, and didn't belong. Ah. I think I might have figured out some of why I'm having trouble with jealousy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
So, last night we got a babysitter and went out dancing together. On the way there I asked him what his specific expectations were for the night. He said he'd like to dance our first and last dances of the evening together, and that he'd ask me now and then in between. Funny thing is, when we got there he said to go ahead without him while he used the men's room, so I danced with someone else.
I think the difference here is that he felt he had more choice in the matter, that he could see that his opinions/wants/desires mattered. It's easier to let go when you can see you don't have hold on tight to get what you want, if that makes any sense? Anyway, I was glad to come back and see that things are going better for you.
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