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Old 03-06-2012, 04:23 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bless View Post
But now it seems that only a relatively small amount of time with him each week is enough for me. I can't really handle more than that. It's not caused by conflict or anything, it's just... a feeling of burn-out, of needing space from him.

I feel so guilty for encouraging him to move here, only now to find out that maybe our relationship is better suited to being long-distance.
I don't understand how spending time with him every week is "suited for long distance." Do you, for some reason, have the idea that all committed loving relationships means you have to see someone every day? Plenty of people have great relationships with people they see only once or twice a week, or every other week.

He may just be the sort of person whose needs require that you spend a great deal of emotional/psychological/physical energy to be with him. It's not a bad thing to recognize that you want less time with him. While I don't recommend telling him you're "burnt out" on him, it would seem perfectly fine to me to say that you want some more time to yourself every week and would rather see him a little less often. You can say you want to keep yourself from burning out and would like things to stay fresh between you, that you have other commitments in your life that need your attention, too, and you need more time to devote to them. It's really not that big a deal nor that hard a thing to ask for.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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