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Old 11-23-2009, 04:26 PM
Hodge Hodge is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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MonoVCPHG! I've been perusing your posts (on other threads) with great interest. I don't know if I have the strength, quite frankly. I want to see her happy, but I wouldn't stay in the relationship just for her sake. I think I can honestly say I'd take a bullet for that woman, but taking a bullet is easy because it's quick and painless. I'm not sure I could submit myself to a situation where I'd be quietly suffering my lot just to make her happy (nor do I think she could be happy under such circumstances) or for the occasional happy moment. Of course a relationship is not always happy; it's very much about the *unhappy* moments, too. From my current perspective, it's about finding out whether I'm "too mono" for this or not... and if I am and if the situation turns out to be too painful, I'll seriously thinking about ending the relationship. But right now, I see no reason to jump the gun. Why give up something so wonderful out of fear of being hurt? Why not first find out whether I or she (or the other he) can handle it? For both of us, this is unknown territory, and we both have to wait and see how we respond and adapt to the new situation. And reading about poly relationships and discussing it with others has already helped me a lot.

However, you do raise a very important question that's been on my mind: how does "commitment" pan out in a long-distance poly relationship? My girlfriend has been very wonderful in sending me reassuring messages these past couple of days, but of course when left to my own devices I do feel, well, not forsaken but I certainly do find myself wondering about my presence in her mind ... before she "rediscovered" it, I had this permanent sense of me thinking about her and her thinking about me, and we'd tell each other how we'd wander through the streets and smile because we were thinking about each other. And I believe it's going to be much harder to sustain this in the coming months. I find it also really hard not to over-worry and over-interpret signs... maybe you've made similar experiences, Mono? You know, you look at the way she phrases certain things, the way she chooses to respond to certain things you say, and you immediately start asking yourself whether it's a signal that something's different... I'm still trying to wrap my heart around the notion of love as something that's not measurable... about notions of sufficiency, or "secondary" not necessarily meaning "less loved"... I can understand these things rationally, but my gut doesn't process them as easily.

In any case, I'll let you know if I find the strength. I certainly hope so. But judging by some of the responses I'm getting, I better brace myself. And the most feasible way to do that right now seems to me to talk a lot and be open and honest and read and learn.
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