Originally Posted by bassman
Was awake most of the night thinking about this, and we had a chat about it this morning.
I'll put it all on here later.
We both feel good just talking about it,
even though we're at opposite end of the spectrum.
Explained that I have no beef with faith in the existence of whatever. But I take issue with my life being affected by doctrine/religion. She explained that she is at a point where she doesnt condemn a lot of what she used, like for example, I asked her if same sex couples should be allowed to adopt, and she said yes! ( The church website condemns same sex anything, but I am checking that out - *edit* I checked it out, and theyve changed their minds now, gays are ok SUDDENLY). And then she went on to say that those people can choose same sex if they want, "but its not the choice I would make". But then she said that her choices are made with the scripture in mind.
I was happy to leave it there for now, at least there is progress, and I have something to work with.
Then, before we went out last night to a party, she pulls out this wig, that she says she "earned" on a trip to New Orleans, back in 98. She said she was walking down the street, and commented on somebody's wig. They offered it to her if she flashed her boobs, without the bra, and she says she did !!
I was excited now, you know, there was a glimpse of the fun girl she used to be!
and THAT is the girl I thought I married - yes, she went to church those days, but it was mild, you know, she didnt see the literature as seriously as she does now. So we were out at this party, and we had a good time, but at one point it struck me that who she was then, is not the same as who she is now..... my default thought is to blame the church of course, but , of course its her thats changed, its her thats made the choices, including sending the money, its her that chooses to keep going there to get the message more ingrained.
Unfortunately, this spilled over into anger within me, (I guess its a jealous kind of feeling, that her book is more important than my thinking, or even the welfare of my son - this hurts me more, of course. Indeed, she still wants to send money, but is not, at my request, so I feel i'm holding her back now, actually).
So I had an outburst that attacked her personally last night - and I need to apologise now. I just cant get my feelings of insecurity out without this anger, which why I want therapy - to help me overcome that.
Footnote: This story seems one-sided, so in her favour, I want to let you know that I also made a financial f*ck up, namely, invested in a business that failed, and I had an expensive car, too, when I , of course, shouldnt have.