Originally Posted by Letitbe
Are people who are naturally poly naturally not jealous, or do they have to work at it? Why would you want to be poly if you experience jealousy? Is it possible to go from jealous to not jealous? Are the people who experience jealousy just trying poly because perhaps a partner came out as poly so they decided to try poly? I guess it just doesn't make sense for a person who is jealous to want to be poly. Forgive me if any of this sounded ignorant. I'm just new to poly and want to better understand.
Well I don't know that I'm "naturally poly" My ex and I chose to be actively poly about 8 years ago, and after a divorce there was a long stretch of monogamy with my current husband until about a year ago. He's been poly for 20+ years but still has feelings of jealousy now and again, though I do my best not to do anything that would trigger them. I certainly have them at times, and I haven't even had any partners fall in love with a new partner in this entire time, and I KNOW I'll feel all sorts of pangs when that happens.
I get out of it the ability to meet and date new people, enjoy more varied sexuality than I would in a 13 year relationship that overlapped with a (to date) 7+ year relationship. I have the joy of knowing that I am loved, EXTRA loved. I also enjoy self growth and the opportunity to conquer my shit, which includes facing jealousy issues stemming from self esteem issues that are MAGNIFIED by poly sometimes, so encourages me to fix it NOW and not let it simmer beneath the surface. Lots of other benefits to it but those are the ones that immediately come to mind.