I have been insanely jealous at times in my 15 years of poly. I love my jealousy and am so glad I have it. To me it shows that someone means something so much to me that I need to look at what is going on closely so I can see why I feel the way I do. If I was not jealous then I would question how much they mean to me. I would question how much I mean to them if they were not jealous sometimes too. If there is no struggle then I would question why we are together.
When I am jealous its usually because there is some kind of change or adjustment to our dynamic because someone new is in our lives. I struggle with my partners trying to make space and time with others as it usually means its taken from me. I struggle with their gleeful NRE when we used to have that at some point. Only natural I think. I get threatened that their partner is a new shiny thing in my partners life and I am just that ol' faithful boring thing in their life. I get scared that really our relationship is over and I am not ready or feeling that way.
Usually its all worked through with lots of talks, reassurances in the form of attention given to me in the ways I need it and over time and adjustment to change. Its all natural and human. I can eventually let go of my jealousy and relax into a new routine, get to know and appreciate my metamour and realize that my worth and belonging is still in tacked in my polycule.
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