I've been thinking, bassman, that your wife putting her spirituality seemingly ahead of her love for you and your importance in her life, as well as ahead of family goals, is not all that unusual or even detrimental. As you can see in the "Spiritual Sex" thread, that poster's spirituality is also perhaps more important to him than those of his wife.
As I see it, it's your wife's "sheepleness" that is the problem. Just swallowing whatever is preached to her from the pulpit each Sunday, instead of examining her faith for herself and how it fits into her marriage and family, on a moral and practical level, that hurts you a lot.
And then, you're so focused on her getting a lover... which doesnt seem at all important to her.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years